Gryphon's Aerie

Thinking . . . trying not to fry the circuits

Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Coup Kaput!

Posted by Gryphon on November 1, 2009

Get That Curser Off Me

Doc

There was some time taken off recently due to work demands and therefore no time left to keep you updated on the coup in the Aerie.  For news up to this point, please see Coup Archives.

Der Coup ist KAPUT!  :-D

At the height of the ordeal Doc was brutally going through all my files and alternately making gagging noises and laughing hysterically.  Natasha kept herself busy by eating all my cinnamon-raisin bagels when she wasn’t taunting me with mayonnaise.

It all came to an end one day when they left me locked in a closet so they could go to a rally of some sort.  Doc came back by himself and, crying uncontrollably, let me out of the closet.  Almost incoherently he related the afternoon’s events.

They had gone to a campaign rally for Republican Robert F. McDonnell in his run for governor in the

Natasha2

Naughty Natty

Commonwealth of Virginia.  The two of them were smoking El Presidente cigars and getting into the mood of the festivities.  Things were starting to heat up.  The crowd was being worked into a cheering mob by the candidate.

Natasha became over excited and climbed on Doc’s shoulders and began singing something in Russian.  She tore off her fatigue shirt and camouflaged brassiere and began waving a pocket flag of the former U.S.S.R..  Candidate McDonnell stopped in mid sentence and stared.  Soon all eyes were on the singing, bare-breasted, cigar-smoking, flag-waving Natasha.  Doc tried to get her off but she clamped her muscular thighs that much tighter around his neck, cutting off his wind.  He fainted and the two of them fell into the packed throng.

By this time, private security was well on the way.  Three Men in Black fell on the duo and wrestled them apart.  Natasha became blood lusted and starting fighting in tried and true hand-to-hand combat moves learned in the Russian Army.  Two of them went down incapacitated and she was moving in on the weeping third, when Robert F McDonnellthe crowd became involved.  Two Republican men in blue suits and one woman with close-cropped hair and sensible shoes descended on Natasha.  Doc, meanwhile, was crawling though the crowd on his hands and knees.

Natasha made quick work of G.O.P.ers but was overwhelmed by sensible shoes.  The weeping Man in Black reclaimed authority and Doc was hauled by his ankles after Natasha who was being hustled roughly through the crowd screaming obscenities in her native Slavic tongue.

They were separated and Doc did not see her again.

Eventually they released Doc after he convinced them that he did not know Natasha before meeting her at the rally and only agreed to hang out with her because she had promised him that after the rally that they would “do it like Ukrainians.”  I was afraid to ask what that meant.

The final injury toll was 4 broken bones among the three Men in Black, 1 dislocated shoulder on one of the Republican

bankers, and a broken heart on sensible shoes.  Doc suffered severe fatigue pants burns on his neck and grass stains onsecret_service 3 his hands and knees.  Natasha came away with a lightly lacerated Gluteus Maximus when she fell on a pint bottle of vodka in her hip pocket.

Robert McDonnell’s reputation wasn’t enhanced.  Or, maybe it was.  All that is politics and more in Doc’s line of work to tell.

Well, Doc was sincerely repentant of his takeover of the Aerie.  He promised that he would turn control back to me.  He had begun to have feelings for “Natty”  (he called her “Naughty Natty”) and didn’t feel like he could continue his life without her.  I soothed his damaged ego as best I could but told him that there would have to be some form of punishment for what he and Natasha had done.

All this happened last week.  Doc sent Natasha, who was in INS detention, the last of his Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups which is truly touching considering his obsessive fondness for the sweet treat himself.  We found out yesterday that Natasha has been deported back to her native home of Belorussia.  She will be missed by exactly half of us.

Nixon

Tricky Dick

Doc, for his role in the coup has been kept on as a news writer for the Aerie but has been named Foreign Correspondent and stationed in Yorba Linda, California.  The contradiction between title and station is driving him crazy but not done for that purpose.  I can think of very few places quite as foreign as California where even the governor doesn’t speak English.

His first assignment is to do a sentimental retrospective on the life of Richard Milhous Nixon.

It may kill him.

I am back in charge of the Aerie. I promise good things to come.

And We Thank You For Your Support.

Gryphon


The election in Virginia is this coming Tuesday.

Vote Early.

Vote Often.

Virginia seal

Posted in Humor, blog | Tagged: , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Presidential Facts

Posted by Dr. Spots on October 27, 2009

John Quincy Adams

John Quincy Adams

JohnAdams

John Adams

I felt it necessary to come before you today to reveal some remarkably non-shocking details about a few of the previous inhabitants of the Executive Mansion in Washington, D.C.

Some of you may know that I am an amateur historian and among my special fields of interest, presidential history is not found.  It is for that reason that I feel it necessary to write today and reveal the following things.

I can find NO evidence that President John Adams was either cruel to animals or practiced auto-eroticism in courthouse lavatories.  Similarly, I can also find NO proof that his son, President John Quincy Adams, made duck noises in his sleep or smoked marijuana in the oval office.  INDEED, there WAS no Oval Office until the Presidency of William Howard Taft.

taft

William Howard "Tubby" Taft

I must admit that I didn’t look very hard.  So while these things MAY be true, I found no

clinton bill

William Jefferson Clinton

evidence to support them–no matter how hard I failed to look.

It IS true however that President William Jefferson Clinton gave looooooong speeches and that his wife tried to become President and failed and instead is now Secretary of State.

There are a great many other items of presidential history that I could and perhaps will soon relate.  In addition, other facets of general U.S. history fascinate me.  For example, did you know that First Lady Martha Washington constantly had to remove wood splinters from her breasts?  Me neither, but it sounds perfectly reasonable to me if she did.

Thanks for letting me share.

duck

Josiah P. Duck

doc

Posted in Humor | Tagged: , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

I’m Alright Or So I Am Told

Posted by Gryphon on October 8, 2009

(related posts: Coup Archives)

Hi Folks,

As you know by now the Aerie has been overtaken by subversive forces–Doc and Natasha.

I am being “allowed” to make this one post for the main purpose of letting everyone know that I was not killed in the coup and a coverup is not being perpetrated to hide that fact.  I am, in fact, not dead.  Not yet.

Doc has promised me that starting immediately he will allow me to answer on a very limited basis any remarks made to me for the time being and that I will be allowed to visit other blogs and have the freedom to express myself fully there–just not here.  Not yet.

I have been promised that, after an Intensive Program of Re-education, I will once again be allowed to submit posts to the Aerie for publication pending Editorial Review.  All of this is contingent on me making satisfactory progress in my new conditioning . . . er . . . re-education “classes.”

A great many things that have occurred since the coup last night I find myself unable to relate because of the trauma that was thereby induced.  Natasha takes great joy in humiliating me at every opportunity and seems especially fond of slapping me in the face with . . . I’m sorry I can’t go on . . ..

OH!  THE HORROR!

I’m nearing 300 words now and must finish.  Thank you for caring.  You may send care packages to me as long as they consist of nothing more than Reese Cups (Doc’s favorite candy).  He promised me that I might get one or two.

help me!

Gryphon

Posted in Humor, blog | Tagged: , , , , | 7 Comments »

Gryphon’s State

Posted by Dr. Spots on October 8, 2009

O.K. so the paper is a couple of days old, but I haven’t had a chance to get to the newstand since the takeover.

He’s fine.  He whines a lot but that’s about par for his course.  Natasha seems to be having a little too much fun humiliating him but in all fairness he doesn’t act like he minds too much.  Magic may be beginning.

Send 750 dollars for his ransom.  I’m not going to let him go but Natty and I could use the cash.  She’s been asking for new fatigues.  and I think my pinkie is getting infected.

doc

004547

New York Times, what MORE proof do you need that I love you and deserve a subscription?  Huh??

ces

Posted in Humor | Tagged: , , | 2 Comments »

Coup In The Aerie

Posted by Dr. Spots on October 7, 2009

There has been a coup here in Gryphon’s Aerie

Gryphon is no longer administrator of The Gryphon’s Aerie.  I am.  My name is Cornelius Eugene Spots, Ph.D.  You may call me “Doc.”

Related posts include (in chronological order)

  1. This Just In (the preliminary reports of a coup being planned), and

  2. Film at 11 (shocking video of the coup itself)

It was not with a glad heart that Natasha and I planned and executed this hostile and semi-violent takeover.  With the exception of Gryph having difficulty breathing with Natasha sitting on his face, no one was seriously injured.  Natasha reported sustaining a non-life threatening wedgie.  I got a boo boo on my pinkie.

As new Chief Administrator I will clean up the boogla barieg nunimbia here in the Aerie.  Look for substantial policy and programming changes.

For starters there will be no more of this sappy “and we thank you for your support” sloop craditmia.  Much more to come.

In the meantime, please enjoy your visit to the Aerie. Browse around.  I personally recommend any and everything I’ve written.  If you use the bathroom while here, please be so kind as to leave 75 cents on top of the toilet tank.

Go ahead, now.  Look at something else here.  I’m finished for now.  Good Luck.

Chief Administrator

Cornelius Eugene Spots, Ph.D.

Doc, Chief Administrator

Doc, Chief Administrator

Natasha. Vice President in Charge of Vice

Natasha. Vice President in Charge of Vice

Posted in Humor, blog | Tagged: , , | 9 Comments »

Film at 11

Posted by Dr. Spots on October 7, 2009

Related Posts

  1. This Just In

It wasn’t pretty.  It wasn’t easy.  It was a little fun I have to admit.  But, it needed doing and when a thing needs doing, Natasha and I are just the men to get the job done.

The following video is not recommended for the very young, the very old, the faint of heart, or anyone named Nicollo.

There will be a text post update following.

ces

Posted in Humor, blog | Tagged: , , , , | 1 Comment »

Bring Me The Children

Posted by Dr. Spots on September 30, 2009

I love little children.hansel and gretel

Lightly braised on a bed of rice with a nice au jus. Spinach greens and garlic bread.

Julia Child had a good recipe.

doc

Posted in Humor | Tagged: , , , , , | 8 Comments »

The Man From Glad

Posted by Gryphon on September 24, 2009

tom boselyActor Tom Bosely (left) is most known for his role of Howard Cunningham, father of glad bagRichie Cunningham (Ron Howard), in the 70s sitcom “Happy Days.”  He also had a recurring role as the sheriff on “Murder She Wrote” with Angela Lansbury.

What is less known but for which he was very popular was that he was the television commercial spokesman for Glad plastic products, including the ubiquitous Glad Bag.

Boys and Girls and Boys and Boys (Boys and Sheep for those of you in Scotland), I am sure that good ol’ Mr. Cunningham would be the first to say that no sex is the BEST sex but if you must have sex ALWAYS use protection!

Don’t Get MAD!  Get GLAD!!

The Fonz says “Ayyyyyyyy.”

This Public Service Message is brought to you by concerned idiots who had nothing better to post tonight.

Posted in Humor | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 17 Comments »

Doo Da Doo Da

Posted by Gryphon on September 16, 2009

I say, that boy is about as sharp as a pound of wet leather.

enjoy

Posted in Humor, youtube | Tagged: , , , , , | 5 Comments »

I Say, I Say

Posted by Gryphon on September 14, 2009

FoghornLeghorn

Pay attention boy.

These are the jokes, son, and that last one flew right over your head like a meth addict June Bug past a one-eyed chicken.

I swear I don’t know what to make of these kids now days.

Hold on a minute, while I have a word or two with my good friend the dog.foghorn

Thank You Brothers Warner.

G.

Posted in Humor | Tagged: , | 14 Comments »